Summary
Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com--an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That's fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.-á Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if you're not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, don't walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust.-á Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning. While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson
Author Biography
Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, has counseled thousands of singles and married couples, and has become one of America's best-known experts on singles' issues, mate selection, and developing healthy relationships. His articles have appeared in numerous journals and magazines, and he has appeared on more than 3,000 radio and television programs, such as Oprah, CNBC, CNNFN and Focus on the Family.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Matchmaker, Matchmaker |
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xi | |
1 How eHarmony Began |
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1 | (28) |
2 Finding Your Soul Mate |
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29 | (24) |
GROUP 1 The Screening Dimensions |
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53 | (46) |
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3 DIMENSION 1 Good Character |
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55 | (6) |
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4 DIMENSION 2 The Quality of Your Self-Conception |
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61 | (6) |
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5 DIMENSION 3 Watch Out for Red Flags |
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67 | (5) |
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6 DIMENSION 4 Anger Management |
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72 | (7) |
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7 DIMENSION 5 Obstreperousness |
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79 | (6) |
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8 DIMENSION 6 Understandings About Family |
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85 | (5) |
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9 DIMENSION 7 Family Background |
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90 | (9) |
GROUP 2 The Core Personal Dimensions |
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99 | (62) |
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101 | (6) |
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11 DIMENSION 9 Similar Energy Levels |
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107 | (3) |
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12 DIMENSION 10 Spirituality |
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110 | (4) |
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13 DIMENSION 11 Education |
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114 | (4) |
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14 DIMENSION 12 Appearance |
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118 | (3) |
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15 DIMENSION 13 Sense of Humor |
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121 | (3) |
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16 DIMENSION 14 Mood Management |
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124 | (3) |
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17 DIMENSION 15 Traditional Versus Nontraditional Personalities |
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127 | (6) |
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133 | (3) |
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19 DIMENSION 17 Sexual Passion |
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136 | (8) |
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20 DIMENSION 18 Artistic Passion |
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144 | (3) |
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147 | (4) |
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151 | (2) |
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23 DIMENSION 21 Curiosity |
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153 | (2) |
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24 DIMENSION 22 Vitality and Security |
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155 | (3) |
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2S DIMENSION 23 Autonomy Versus Closeness |
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158 | (3) |
GROUP 3 Skills That Can Be Developed |
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161 | (24) |
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26 DIMENSION 24 Communication |
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163 | (7) |
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27 DIMENSION 25 Conflict Resolution |
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170 | (11) |
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28 DIMENSION 26 Sociability |
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181 | (4) |
GROUP 4 Qualities That Can Be Developed |
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185 | (14) |
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29 DIMENSION 27 Adaptability |
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187 | (5) |
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192 | (3) |
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31 DIMENSION 29 Dominance Versus Submissiveness |
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195 | (4) |
32 Chemistry The Key Factor |
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199 | (6) |
33 Commitment The Glue That Keeps It All Together |
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205 | (12) |
Appendix A: Three Secrets to a Great Relationship |
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217 | (12) |
Appendix B: Twenty Questions |
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229 | (2) |
Appendix C: Similarities or Differences? |
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231 | (4) |
How eHarmony Works |
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235 | |