In his #1 "New York Times" bestseller "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus", John Gray helped men and women develop better communication skills by recognizing that they have different emotional needs. Now he takes readers to communication's final frontier--the bedroom--providing couples with specific instructions as to how their new relationship skills can be used to improve their sex lives.

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion

Chapter One

He wants sex. She wants romance. Sometimes it seems as if our partners are from different planets, as if he's from Mars and she's from Venus. In the bedroom, it is obvious that men and women are different, but we may not realize just how different we are. It is only through understanding and accepting our obvious and less obvious differences that we can achieve true intimacy and great sex.

Why Sex Is So Important

We're all aware that sex tends to be more important to men while romance is more important to women, but we generally don't understand why. Without a deeper understanding of this fundamental difference, women commonly underestimate the importance of sex for men and many times judge them as superficial for wanting only one thing.

A woman's judgments begin to soften when she discovers the real reasons that some men seem to want only sex. With a deeper understanding of our sexual differences based on our historical development and social conditioning, she can begin to understand why, for many men, sexual arousal is the key for helping them connect with and realize their loving feelings.

For many men, sexual arousal is the key forhelping them connect with and realizetheir loving feelings.

It is through sex that a man's heart opens, allowing him to experience both his loving feelings and his hunger for love as well. Ironically, it is sex that allows a man to feel his needs for love, while it is receiving love that helps a woman to feel her hunger for sex.

Sex allows a man to feel his needs for love, while receiving love helps a woman to feelher hunger for sex.

A man often misunderstands a woman's real need for romance and may feel instead that she is withholding sex. When he wants sex and she is not readily in the mood, he easily misunderstands and feels rejected. He does not instinctively realize that a woman generally needs to feel loved and romanced before she can feel her hunger for sex.

Just as a woman needs good communication with her partner to feel loved and loving, a man needs sex. Certainly, a man can feel loved in other ways, but the most powerful way a woman's love can touch his soul and open his heart is through great sex.

What Makes Sex Great

Ideally, for sex to be great there must be loving and supportive communication in the relationship. This is the first step. When communication works, all the bedroom skills in this book can be most easily applied.

If communication in a relationship is OK, hearing and using the ideas in this book will dramatically increase the passion and quality of sex. When sex gets better, suddenly the whole relationship gets better. Through great sex, the man begins to feel more love, and, as a result, the woman starts getting the love she may have been missing. Automatically, communication and intimacy increase.

When sex gets better, suddenly the whole relationship automatically gets better.

When a couple is experiencing relationship problems, sometimes, instead of focusing on the problems, taking a shortcut and creating great sex immediately reduces the problems and makes them easier to solve. To most effectively solve relationship problems and ensure lasting intimacy and better communication, I recommend that you read my other books, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You & Your Father Didn't Know and Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Sometimes, however, the most effective way to jumpstart a relationship is to first learn the bedroom skills for creating great sex.

Great sex is the most powerful way to open a man's heart and help him to feel his love and express it to a woman. Great sex softens a woman's heart and helps her to relax and receive her partner's support in other areas of the relationship. This softening of her feelings dramatically improves her ability to communicate in a manner that her partner can hear without becoming defensive. This improved communication in turn provides a basis for sex to remain passionate.

Great sex is the most powerful way to open a man's heart and help him to feel his love and express it to a woman.

Why Another Book on Sex?

While many useful books address the mechanics of sex, this book addresses the mechanics of making sure you have sex. Through new approaches for communicating, you will learn how to initiate sex in ways that assure that both your sexual needs and your partner's are satisfied. In addition, we will explore the psychological differences between men and women in a way that will help you understand what works best for your partner.

Most books focus on what men and women physically need, but few address their unique psychological needs as well. This book leads men and women toward sexual fulfillment both physically and emotionally. Not only are men grateful when women learn this information, but women experience greater happiness in and out of the bedroom. I receive so many letters from couples after they take my seminars saying that they are now enjoying the best sex they ever had. Sometimes these couples have been married only a few years, but some of them have been married for more than thirty years.

Advanced Bedroom Skills

Women today expect more from sex than ever before. It used to be that sex was primarily a way a woman fulfilled her husband. For many of our mothers, sex was something she did for him and not for herself. But now that birth control is more reliable and available and society is much more accepting of women's sexual needs and desires, women have greater permission to explore and enjoy their sensual side. For many women, a growing interest in sex also reflects their need to find balance within themselves by reconnecting with their feminine side.

Having spent most of the day in a traditionally male job, she too wants a "wife" to greet her with love when she gets home. She too wants to enjoy the release that sex brings. Great sex fulfills her as much as it fulfills him. To cope with the stress of the modern workplace, not only does he need her support, but she needs his as well. Through learning new relationship skills, men and women can solve this problem together.

Advanced bedroom skills are required if a man is to provide his partner with the sexual fulfillment that she now requires. The more traditional bedroom skills men and women have used for centuries are outdated. It is not enough for a man to have his way with a woman. She wants more. She wants her orgasm too. He must learn her way as well.

Just as women want more, men also want more. Men don't want to give up passion in their relationships. More and more, both men and women would rather get a divorce than stay in a passionless marriage.

Neither sex is willing to put up with the old system of a man having discreet affairs to fulfill his sexual passion while a woman sacrifices her need for passion in favor of maintaining the family unit. AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases make extramarital affairs far more dangerous than they were in the past. A modern man wants his partner to value sex in a way that allows him to stay passionately connected to her and their relationship. To achieve this end, advanced bedroom skills are required for both men and women.

In the first twelve chapters of Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, we will explore how to create great sex in bed, and then, in chapter 13, we will explore the importance of romance outside the bedroom to keep the passion alive.

Why Couples Stop Having Sex

Quite commonly, after being married for several years, one of the partners stops wanting sex. Although the partner feels as if he or she has simply lost interest in sex, the disinterest is really caused because certain conditions for wanting sex are not being met. Throughout Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, we will explore these different needs in much detail. Many times men and women do not clearly know what their needs are or how to have them met. Rather than feel frustrated all the time, they just lose interest.

Surprisingly, at my seminars it is mostly the women who come up to me during the breaks and mention that their husbands just aren't interested in sex anymore. Certainly, it is not unusual for men to want sex more than their partners do, but no matter which partner loses interest, passion can be rekindled with advanced bedroom skills.

How to Share This Book with Your Partner

This is a fun book and not too technical. I purposely made many of the chapters very short so that you can put the book down and enjoy practicing some of these new bedroom skills.

If a woman suggests to a man that he read this book, it is important that she not give him the message that he needs it or that she wants to improve their sex life. It may sound too serious to him and convey the message that he is not good enough or that he needs to be improved; he'll easily feel insulted by this approach.

Instead, she should say, "Let's read this book about sex. It is really fun," or "This is really a sexy book. Let's take turns reading it together." He'll respond much more positively if he sees that she wants to try something new along with him.Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion. Copyright © by John Gray. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Excerpted from Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion by John Gray
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